How to raise well mannered and smart kids – Parental tips
Every parent wants their child to be SUCCESSFUL. Now the success parameters vary with time. For instance, if a child is in school then good marks, good in all activities. When a child is in completes its education then good job, salary, car, house and so on. A child becomes an instrument to complete all dreams which parent did not achieve. It is always been seen that the next generation is faster than the previous generation. As we were faster than our parents. Like ways, our kids are faster than us. There is the catch. There is a huge difference in the way we were nurtured and the way we are nurturing up our kids.
Some people say today’s parents don’t have time for their kids. Both of them work. It is only weekends that is family time. Let me explain you with a few SIMPLE examples that this is incorrect. If we look at our parents parenting. You will understand that the families we lived in were generally joint families. Parents were really busy with their work that time too. Our parents were not involved in studies, schooling and other activities. Today’s parents are extremely involved in their kids. It starts from which age-appropriate toys when the child is just born. As the child grew, more of sophistication was added.
Don’t play in the mud. More of indoor activities has increased. When you look at your childhood, I am sure you would relate that you had more outdoor games. You did studies but the pressure was not there as our kids face today. In flashback, think out of 10 wishes you would make to your parents. How many did they fulfil at same instance? The answer would be maxed 2 or probably none. Today many of us think that let me give all which I have not received as a child, I would fulfil my child wishes. So when your child demands 10 things you probably end up fulfilling all or at least 8.
Have you ever THOUGHT, you have delivered all which was lacking your childhood? What about the things that you have received. Being in joint families sharing, caring, good interpersonal skills, patience and many were developed without any teaching. As a child psychologist, many parents complain that we need to teach kids sharing and caring. They don’t have patience. They don’t know how to HANDLE FAILURE. Who is responsible for that parents or kids? To address this there are certain qualities that need to be to imbibe in kids at the early ages. I was going to through the book “Is your child ready to face the world?” by Dr Anupam Sibal. He is a pediatrician practicing for more than twenty years. He has been The Group Medical Director of Apollo Hospitals Group.
In this book, he talks about 18 virtues. He has instilled in his son Devaang. Being a good parent is a skill that is acquired over time. It is necessary to adapt constantly to the changing times. Today where academics, extracurricular activities and distraction in the shape of numerous gadgets make a HEAVY impact on children. It is really challenging to communicate with them. Parent need to FOCUS on different values and qualities that would mold the children to get ready to face the world. A child will only do what he or she wants. The key is to create that want. As a parent we need to develop these important virtues:
1)Humility: Develop the PATTERN of being humble. No work is small. No human being is small. Treat everyone with dignity and respect. Parents should project the quality of being humble so that children observe and repeat. It is developing how to talk to the helpers around you.
2)Beating Odd: Excuse is the first step to PROCRASTINATION. If parents make excuse for not being able to do something. Kids will copy. When children do this. We should share examples that make their excuses look lame. We should ask children to identify those who have overcome the challenge.
3)Its never too late: Everything does not wait for right time. When is an opportunity bang upon. As every minute brings with it sixty seconds, every day 1440 minutes and every year 8760 hours of an opportunity to change.
4)Courage: Parent should applaud every act of courage, no matter how small. Repeated praise condition the mind to aim higher and gives the body the strength to push harder.
5)Handling PRESSURE: We should not add the pressure. Kids are already handling it. When a child comes at 10th rank pressure is to come in first 5. If a child comes 3rd rank the pressure is to come first. If the child comes 1st the pressure is to be at the 1st position. Some amount is pressure is inevitable so we need to help children learn to feed off it.
6)Making mistake, Accepting flaws: No parent is perfect, so we should expect our children to be perfect. Every mistake is a lesson. Parent and children must learn together. We need to avoid being judgmental as that can destroy a parent ad child RELATIONSHIP. We must offer unconditional love.
7)Be a dreamer: Parent needs to encourage children to dream. We should help fulfil the dreams of our children to the greater extent possible. We must not kill our child’s dream. Never expect that children should achieve parents dreams.
8)Find your calling: We need to guide our children to discover their calling. Just because a child wants to do something different should not be discouraged.
9)Compassion: Parents can learn compassion from children. We should not use our limited concept of compassion to influence our children. Every act of compassion should be rewarded.
10)Making Other happy: Parents should not expect their children to make them HAPPY. They are liable for that. In fact, we should try and make everyone around us happy and spread joy.
11)Never give up: No matter how down and out our children might feel. we must always offer hope. A child will come as a last resort. if we don’t offer hope.
12)Determination: As life is full of POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE. We need to drive home the virtue of perseverance. Our children should see the determination in us to draw strength from us. Every time a child falls, the parent should offer a helping hand him to stand up once again.
13)Giving: We should help our children discover the joy of giving. Without expecting something in return like recognition or desire for praise.
14) Be the change: If parent themselves do not change, they should expect any change in their children.
15)Gratitude: Many of us are not as grateful as we should be for all we have. Complaining mode never gives us in abundance.
16)Goals: We must create goals for ourselves as parents. We should involve our children in the goal-setting exercise. When our children see goals being met, they will embrace the magic of goal.
17) Honesty: We must provide a strong atmosphere of honesty at home that children shun dishonesty which they will invariably get exposed in the world.
18) Forgiveness: FORGIVENESS is a very powerful virtue. Unless they see us forget and forgive they will never learn. It would be difficult for them to walk on this path.
I would really appreciate Dr Sibal for the lovely insights in his book. I would recommend all parents to read it at least once.