The words LOVE has so many aspects related to it. Every individual looks to it from a different perspective. Love is present in Nature. Love is the base of many needs like security, self-worth and significance. We love our self. We love our relationships. Relation form would be varied from a teacher-student bond, parent and child, Husband and wife, Brother and sister. Grandparents and grandchildren, me and my pet, girlfriend and boyfriend bond and many more. From all meaning os love is different.
While learning NLP, we were taught that in our day to day life. We use certain words which are unspecific. For example, if I ask you to stand YOUR BRAIN will command to get up. If I tell you to imagine that you are swimming in a lake. Your mind will START giving you reference how to swim. In case you don’t know. Did you realise that swim, talk, walk, run, eat etc are specific words. Your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND can make pictures of it. In fact, anyone will a proper picture of it. When I ask as you about LOVE, happiness, FOCUS our you able to make proper pictures in mind. Yes will you but it would be different for everyone.
For someone, love would be a hug. For someone, it would be cooking food for the family. Expression of love could be a gift. For someone, love would be only I love you. Love is an unspecific word. It has relative terms with regards to different people. In the book “The 5 Love Language ” by Gray Chapman. He explains the Love Languages very precisely. He says there are 5 love languages.
1) Words of Affirmation
4)Acts of service.
5) Physical Touch.
These languages are applicable in all bonds. Today in this article we would talk in reference to kids. Gray Chapman describes that every child has a primary love language. This is could be identified from their behaviour. As a parent, we need to observe which is the most repeated behaviour in the child. The love tank should be filled with the primary love language. If the parent fails to communicate love in the language which child understand. The child detaches himself from parents.
Let me share a case study. A teenage girl comes at centre for counselling. She got herself involved in sexual misconduct. When asked what was the reason for such an act. Her answer was my parents never loved me. They only love my siblings. After having a conversation with parents. Parents have always provided her with all the possible good things that she asked for. They have done their best. Where exactly the problem exists. She needed to play with. Someone to share with. The difference between buying and playing is that love tank is empty or full. Chapman shares in almost all sexual misconduct in the adolescent are rooted in an empty emotional love tank.
Words of Affirmation
From the time a child is born parents start using affirming words. Verbal communication starts with the child. ” pretty eyes she has”, ” Lovely voice”. When the child starts crawling we applaud for every gesture they do. When they START walking, “that right, very good, keep doing it” We don’t scold them if they fall. Instead, we say, “Come on you can do it.” Gradually the as they are growing Words of Affirmation converts to Word to Condemn. “you write very slow”, “you good for nothing”, “You are such a dumb”. ” you are irresponsible”. These words damage their self-confidence, self-esteem. In the adolescent, the struggle, feel unloved. As the primary love language is violated.
Quality time means giving a child undivided attention. Let understand, we child is crawling that time sitting with him on the floor. When they start talking playing with their cars and dolls. building castle out of blocks, car racing. Many parents complain we have hectic schedules in office. We don’t get time to do all these things. As an adult, we are busy in a computer world but child lives in its own world. We need to come down to the child’s level. The eventual transition is from child world to adult world will happen. While growing their interest shift from football, basketball, cricket or in guitar, tabla, singing. Attend the session, at least the when they perform. Giving a child your undivided attention says you care and he is important, you enjoy being with him.
Many parents think that purchasing a gift for a child is the only way to express love. When receiving a gift is the primary love language. Some parents gift what they didn’t have in their childhood. Some parents gift as per education demand. Some don’t afford to gift. If a child’s Love language is not Receiving Gifts child will not be emotionally attached to his gift. On the contrary kid with primary need receiving a gift with having a high emotional attachment to his gifts. They would take care of and play with them often over an extended period of time.
Acts of Service
When kids are small, parents do all “Act of Service”. Like dressing, bathing, feeding all require a huge amount of effort, dedication for few early years of a child. Cooking, washing, picking and dropping to school and classes, helping them in homework and so on. Many kids take this for granted. For few kids, this is communicating love. Kids whose love language is Act of services love when parents fix their things. Do small favours for them.
Touch is an expression of love. When you kiss, pat, hug your kids you express love. With infants, parents cuddle them, pick them in arms. When your teenage hugs you, grab you from behind, rub the arm its primary language is Physical Touch.
Important Tips to identity Primary Language of the Kid
1) Observe your child.
2)Watch how do kids express love.
3)Take note what they request.
4)For which things they are most appreciative for
After understanding the Primary Love Language of kid. Parents create a SUCCESSFUL AND BALANCE bond with the child.
Hi, My name is Romal Surana, I am a counselor working in the field of making bonds more stronger like relationship counselling, parent child counselling, wellness counselling and so on. I m memory trainer. I m NLP Master Practitioner, Graphologist (handwriting expert). I m mentor to kids with learning disability and Pranic Healer.