While going through Whatsapp I saw lots of people posting jokes on marriage, husbands and wives in different groups. That made me think. When they were in the relationship, they were deeply involved with each other. They want to stay all the time with each other. They want their attention either on phone or in person. They only FOCUS on each other. Things seem to so perfect. Life seems to extremely HAPPY. Then what happens to these people when they get married. Then they don’t like each others company. Their talks irritate. They start avoiding each other.
Here is a beautiful example of Before marriage and after marriage joke.
He: Ah.. at last I can hardly wait…..
She: Do you want to leave me?
He: No! don’t even think about it?
She: Do you love me?
He: of course!… Always have…. always will
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No.. Why are you asking this?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get?
She: Will you hit me?
He: Hell no!….. Are you crazy?
She: Can I trust you?
After marriage … read from last
Why do you think this happens? Why relationship becomes difficult to handle? With the same person, you love a lot. Does marriage word have the wrong message imprinted on SUBCONSCIOUS mind? When we look at things from a different perspective. You will definitely agree with me. The needs of the person changes. Now, what do you mean by needs here? According to Anthony Robbins, there are core 6 human psychological needs when satisfied gives individual BALANCE and SUCCESSFUL LIFE. These needs are Certainty,Variety,Significance,Love Connection,Growth and Contribution. We all find means to fulfil these six needs. Either positive, negative or neutral way.
1)Certainty: The Psychological need Certainty refers to the sense of security, comfort and safety. The need for certainty is the basic need for survival. This creates the routine and structure. This makes you aware of what will be happening in future. Taking care of finances for future emergency people save the money. This type of people will plan and organise things well before like travelling plans. They get disturbed with end moment changes. They prefer routine life with perfection, cleanliness and well organized. Whether it’s a home or office they have their own way of working and keeping the things.
2) Variety:- The Psychological need Variety refers to change all time, interest in new things, holidays and adventure. This is there to enjoy the different things and newness around us. These people get bored easily. Whether is it the relationship or job or skill. These people are not organised. They plan last moment. They enjoy adventure, thrill and new experience. They love shopping. Rather little impulsive. These people get easily attracted to drugs, alcohol, sex and any addiction. This has both positive and negative effects.
The positive effect would be the person would be innovating, creative. The negative effect could be multiple numbers of relationships, addiction, panic attacks and so on.
Certainty and Variety- When these two type of people come together.therealtionship is turmoil. Because one is organised other is not. One loves end moment adventure other do like it. Opposite not doubt attracts but how long will they stay in peace is the question?
3) Significance:- The third human psychological need is the need for significance. They want both physical and emotional attention. These people want to feel significant and special. They want to feel that they are important, special, and unique. They require lots of appreciation, attention from everyone. This can come in many forms but most people want to feel appreciated at work, home, and in life. They want to feel important, respected, wanted, and unique. They always want to be in limelight. This they develop by earning lots of money. Putting the tattoos and piercings all over the body. Wearing different clothes. Accumulating many degrees.
4) Love And Connection:- This is the fourth psychological need. The need to of being loved and connected. The warmth and feel togetherness, passion, unity are what they desire. They don’t want to be in the limelight or showcased everywhere. They work behind the stage. Love is the essence of life. This is what we need to keep ourselves alive. People who have a lot of love and connection are consistent and create their own stories. For example, In college fest, some busy are raising the sponsorship. Some are busy get students for the event, some are busy in the promotion, some are busy in printing and communicating with guests and so on. People with high love and connection will do work but will never claim I have done so and so.
Signifinace Vs Love and Connection: When these two opposite breed meet. The fight is all about how to showcase yourself in public or in the close circle. I love you, I care for you, I need you these are the important words for the person who loves significance. For the other person, this may not important to convey the same repeatedly. For example, A boy has the need for significance and the girl has the need for love and connection. Their story would be. Boy would always display his love in public. Words like baby, sweetheart, Shona etc would be made public. Gifting and dating would be different. This may not be liked by the partner. The partner may feel love is not show off to others. You would find lots Bollywood couple in this category.
5) Growth:- This is the fifth psychological need. For these people Progress equal to BEING HAPPY. This develops the power of POSITIVE THOUGHTS within them. These people hate stagnation in life. They want to grow in all sphere of their life -Personal, professional, fitness etc. It doesn’t matter to them how others feel about them.
6) Contribution:- This is the sixth need is Contribution. This is also called as Spiritual need. The art of giving back to society. This includes charity, teaching for free, providing health services for free, helping as a volunteer in calamity time and much more. People with this need have a strong sense of giving and creating a huge difference in society.
Now, you all have understood the six psychological needs of Human, Let understand how to apply in the relationship. Every person has 2 top human needs. rest may vary time to time with reference to a situation of life, what do you want to achieve?.
When you come across different STAGES OF LOVE. First, what you need to do? Sit with your partner and answer these questions.
1)Which of these 6 human needs do I value most? then rate it with priority descending order.
Ask your partner to do the same for him or herself.
2)What are the consequences of valuing those needs in that order?
3) What are you 2 top needs are? how will you use this to transform your relationship?
Repeat with your partner and come to some conclusions.
4) If you made that change, what would transform in your life? is that worth to enhance the relationship?
Hope with this article you would have received the clarity in the relationship. Even how to overcome the challenge and marriage or relation worth living together. Thanks to Tony Robbins and My NLP Guru Ram Verma.